Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
