in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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