highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
