Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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