i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
