I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
