you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
