are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
