i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
