Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
