its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
