i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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