actually, I'm a sock model
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
