I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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