M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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