I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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