I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
