So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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