Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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