I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What changed your mind?
Being sober
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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