Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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