i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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