I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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