I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
