Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
