You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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