I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He felt like a one man threesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
