you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
