end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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