I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
