im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
