It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
