went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no, he came in my armpit
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
