We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
