In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
