no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
