I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
