Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
should my penis look like a turkey
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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