in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just gargled with NyQuil
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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