Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
