I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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