Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
