I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
