YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
