the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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