That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
