My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
