Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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