she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
