I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
