HIV tests are more positive than that guy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
