I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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