finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My feet surprised me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
